Most people don’t know this, but in the basement of every Fox News office sits a shrine to Our Lady of Perpetual Immigration (OLPI). Each office has a slightly different statue of OLPI, depending on the ethnic composition of the surrounding area. In some cities she resembles Our Lady of Guadalupe, in others she looks like Kuan Yin. Each day all news bureau employees are required to pray a chaplet of ten Hail Marys for the sake of perpetual immigration. As a memo from Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes explains: “Hating immigrants is the only joy real Americans have left.”

-Clark Strand

Clark Strand is the author of books on spirituality and religion, including HOW TO BELIEVE IN GOD: Whether You Believe in Religion or Not (Doubleday). He has been writing microfiction for the past 15 years and describes his art in terms of robbery: “You really want to get in and out in under 60 seconds…or else you’ll get caught.”